Dmitry's Testimony about the Exodus National Conference, 2005

I have experienced a major change of my life during the Exodus conference. It was one of most powerful, God-driven and Holy Spirit filled weeks of my life. I have not experienced so much redemption power and peace inside me since I accepted Christ when I was 17. I have also regained peace in my heart, once taken away when I opened myself up to a sexual impurity. On Thursday night, July 21st 2005, after a lot of prayers and conversations and hearing the words from Christian leaders, I came to realize that God has wanted me out of a gay lifestyle or any other lifestyle that promotes premarital sex in any form, shape and/or kind. I hope you understand that it would have been a case with me even if I were straight and had premarital sex with women.

I have re-committed my life to Him and quit the homosexual lifestyle. It means that I do not want to have unholy sexual relationships with either men or women, prior to being married, if the latter ever occurs. I have decided to give my life to Christ so that he would make me holy and righteous. I have hidden my sexual impurity from the Lord from the time I accepted Him as my Lord and Savior. Premarital sex has given me enough false happiness and sense of instant gratification. I also felt that my inner peace was substituted with beautiful boys and sexual pleasures along with masturbation addiction and other unhealthy addictions that ruined my spirit like water ruins a foundation built on sand. My brokenness of the past which made me co-dependent, a sex addict, passive-aggressive, etc., have caused tremendous pain in my heart which needs to be healed before I can move on with my life and think of sexual intercourse again. Moreover, God has opened my eyes on issues like homosexuality and the Holy Spirit has shown to me that a reason for the homosexual behavior is partially initiated by the brokenness of my past, my father-son broken relationship and other things of an inherited nature. At this point, I am not sure that it can be genetically inherited, and even if it could, God has not made me that way. One of the speakers said during the conference that in our broken lives, emotionally co-dependent relationships are like locks and keys. However, once you change the lock, then the old key will not work for that door. The same way I had to change my life to be able to get a different lock so that no burglar would enter my soul and rob me anymore.

Please understand that I am not trying to become straight. This is not what it is all about. It is about my brokenness when I was little and emotional abuse that I have undergone and as a result have blocked my pain and was given in to homosexuality. I want to restore my brokenness by not giving in to any sexual intimacy with either men or women until my identity is properly restored, my heart is healed, and my relationship with my Lord is number one in my life. It is also about my priorities, where the Lord is a center of my life, and which was not the case when I was in the lifestyle.

Misery: Am I going to be happy? I do not necessarily know and do not worry about this too much. I am more worried about pleasing my God and His righteousness and I know that He will give me the way to enjoy my life without having sexual intimacy until I am healed. I am also positive that I will be content in my heart and joyful as much as I have peace now, when I am writing these words to you.

Falling: Is it possible for me to slip down the road and give in to sin? Absolutely, but it is not vital in my case. My determination to follow Christ's words is stronger than anything else and I know that all of my sins are forgiven- the past, present and future, and that by faith I have been forgiven and not by my deeds.