So Your Loved One Said, “I’m Gay”
Your spouse, friend, or family member has just told you he or she is attracted to the same sex. What are you to think? What are you to say?
The choices of those close to us impact us greatly. It can be especially challenging when a loved one says, “I’m gay.”
“My husband and I have been attending the monthly meetings fairly regularly for around three years. We have a gay son who was raised in the church. This group has offered us a unique type of support from families experiencing like circumstances and wrestling with similar feelings. We have cried together, laughed together and prayed together. It has made a very difficult journey a little easier.”
Alive in Christ offers two monthly support groups for Christian men and women impacted by the same-sex attraction of a loved one: one in Boston and one in East Taunton. These groups are safe places to process your questions. Please contact us for details.
“I came to the group because a loved family member struggles with same sex attraction. He has made the decision to follow a gay lifestyle, which is not in line with some family members’ beliefs, although other family members are not as concerned with his choice. This is causing strain within our family. I want to learn about this issue and gain insight from many perspectives: the personal struggle, the struggle within the ‘church,’ and the struggles in society. Most of all, I want to be able to remain close and supportive of my nephew, as my heart breaks when I think about his personal struggle as well as his parents’ struggle. I am so thankful to this group to help me to learn to be faithful to God, to Christ’s teaching of love, and trying to discern his will. The mix of those who struggle and those who struggle with loved ones is so helpful.”
If you haven’t thought much about homosexuality before, if it has always been a foreign topic, then “being gay” and “struggling with same-sex attraction” may sound the same to you. Ask questions, and be slow to speak. It is important to listen to your family member to understand what this revelation means. Is your loved one embracing a gay identity? Or does your loved one look upon same-sex attraction as any other temptation that Christians must resist? Is your loved one a Christian believer?
If your loved one identifies as gay, you may find these links helpful.
- Lead Them Home is an excellent resource in the Boston area.
- Conclusions from a mom with a gay-identified child
- When They’re Gay by Mike Ensley
- When Homosexuality Hits Home by Joe Dallas
In this straightforward book, Joe Dallas offers practical counsel, step by step, on how to deal with the many conflicts and emotions parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters or any family member will experience when learning of a loved one’s homosexuality. Drawing from his own experience and from his many years of helping families work through this perplexing and unexpected situation, Joe offers scriptural and compassionate advice to both struggling gays and those who love them.
I Love Is Gay: How Family & Friends Can Respond by Anita Worthen
& Bob Davies
Finding out that a child, spouse, relative or friend is homosexual can be a confusing surprise. You are flooded with questions ranging from why to what’s next and wonder what a biblical response would be. Drawing on their own personal experiences and those of others, the authors will help you handle your feelings while responding appropriately to your loved one.
- Out of a Far Country: : A Gay Son’s Journey to God. A Broken Mother’ Search for Hope. by Christopher and Angela Yuan
If your loved one agrees with a biblical view of human sexuality, point them to our resources for those who struggle with same-sex attraction.