Testimony from Tom, an Alive in Christ Participant
Original testimony from 2009:
My name is Tom. I have been an active participant in Alive In Christ for the past 10 months. I have been a Christian for as long as I remember, raised in a strict Christian upbringing. I remember having SSA (same-sex attraction) for as far back as I remember, but never really acted upon it until after high school. Being raised in a Christian home, going to a Christian high school and Christian college, I was taught that homosexuality was wrong—it was not the thing to do if you were a Christian. Then, why did I have this SSA if I was a Christian and it was wrong? I thought it would go away on its own. I became engaged and married right out of college. I loved my wife and enjoyed being with her, but I still had those SSA desires. Shortly after we were married, we both got jobs out of state, more than a thousand miles from our home state.
It wasn’t long after that when I began having SSA casual encounters. I was very safe about it. I didn’t want to do anything that would endanger the health of my wife or me. This continued for a number of years, 24 to be exact. It was not until later on that my SSA turned into not just a casual encounter but a full fledged relationship with someone that lasted for two years. I finally told my wife about it when I could no longer hide this relationship.
She told me that she loved me and that God had put the two of us together. She told me that she would do whatever it took to mend the relationship. I told her I would go to Christian counseling. I did go to counseling but found a gay minister who told me all the things I wanted to hear. My SSA partner even went with me to the counseling sessions. Finally, after about 3 months of this, I was ready to tell my SSA partner that I couldn’t do this anymore. He convinced me that instead, I should leave my wife and live with him. I called my wife from his house and said I wasn’t coming home. That night she called my pastor and he came over right away and talked with her for well over 2 hours. The next morning, I came home.
She told me that I had an appointment with our pastor that morning. I went to church and sat and cried with him for well over 90 minutes. Through God’s grace, my thoughts began to change. I told him that I did want to change and that if can God would forgive me, hopefully my wife will too. I also told him to please tell my associate pastor, who is a friend of mine, everything that I told him. Our family needed the support of the whole ministry staff. My associate pastor told me about Alive in Christ. Because I knew I couldn’t do it on my own and needed a support group, I called the number. I met with the leader, who told me about the organization, and attended my first meeting this past January.
I cannot tell you how much I look forward to the Alive in Christ meetings. The leaders and the other members in the group have been a big support for me in my striving to lead a Christ centered life. Each meeting starts with worship/praise songs and prayer followed by book study discussions and then a time of sharing and prayer. I know that Alive in Christ has been a God ordained instrument in my recovery from SSA. I know that it is a fierce battle, but with the help of the group, I can be healed. What the leaders stressed that was important were: being an active member in a church, find an accountability partner, pray daily, actively read the Bible daily. They have also encouraged me to get marriage counseling, which we were already doing and emphasized the importance of having Christian heterosexual friends of the same sex. They encouraged me to put “Covenant Eyes” on my computer if I also was having problems with pornography, which I was. I know this is a life long battle and that is also why the Alive in Christ support group is so important. I am grateful for the help from my pastors, the Alive in Christ group members and especially my wife in this battle. I look forward to my continual recovery in leading a Christ Centered Life with the help of Alive in Chist.
Thanks for letting me share my testimony. In Christ, Tom
Update from 2019:
In looking back at the time when I was an active member of Alive in Christ, I can’t tell you how important it was for me to be part of the group in my healing process. Alive in Christ was a foundation I could work with. They emphasized being in the Word, prayer for one another, and having an Accountability Partner.
What I really enjoyed was talking with people who struggled with the same problem—people who understood what I was going through and had similar experiences. Because most of the leaders had same-sex attraction, they were able to share their experiences as well. They were good listeners and always pointed to the Word.
Due to a number of circumstances, I am not able to attend the meetings in Boston but am so grateful for this organization in being part of the healing process.