Hello, friends of Alive in Christ!
If you’re reading this newsletter, I can probably rightly assume you are a Christian. At some point, you will encounter someone with same-sex attraction (SSA) or who identifies as a gay or transgender Christian – you likely already have! Maybe someone has entrusted their struggle to you. You’re unsure how to respond, or even whether you should bring it up again. It must be awkward for them, right?
In some ways, yes – it can be awkward. But often, that awkwardness is far outweighed by their desire for compassion, help, and freedom. Sharing something so personal is a risk, and if they’ve opened up to you, it’s because they’re hoping to be met with care, understanding, guidance, and support.
I asked some current and former Alive in Christ participants what response they hope for when they share their experience of same-sex attraction:
“I wish that [Christians] would realize that my struggle does not go away because I made a decision to leave that life and follow Christ, and I am ok now. I wish they would talk to me about it and not treat it like it never happened!! I want to talk about it sometimes; just ask me how am I?”
“My experience of sharing with people is that I didn’t really get checked up on, and I still felt just as alone as before I had shared. I don’t count if someone asks me how I am at church, in the same room/space as other people, because it’s a sensitive topic, so I personally am not going to get real in that scenario. Alive in Christ filled the gap of the type of ministering I wish I could’ve found closer to home.”
“I remember the first pastor that I spoke to about my unwanted same-sex attraction which, to be honest with you, was not always unwanted. But I was a Christian and knew in my heart that I could not serve God and give in to my proclivities. So, I spoke to a pastor at a church that I was attending. And when I explained to him what my issues were and that I needed help, his response to me was that he was going to help me and that he was going to spend time with me and that we would work through this. I waited for weeks to hear from him but nothing. And then all of a sudden, my business was known by the whole church, and I was ostracized. People from the congregation (and I mean leaders) would see me on the street and would cross the street just so they wouldn’t have to talk to me. It was a very difficult time in my life. There are other things that happened that I could mention. But the biggest thing that I want to say is this: the most important thing that you can do for someone who is dealing with unwanted same-sex attraction is to be there. If someone comes to you with an issue, they are really looking for someone to be there. You have no idea the amount of rejection and pain and loneliness they might have suffered up to this point. You being there is the most important thing you can do. If you’re not sure that you can deal with their circumstance, try to find someone that can or someone that can advise you in this issue. Alive in Christ is an excellent resource for anyone who wants the tools to minister to someone who is struggling. But again, the best thing that you can do is just be there. Be there to pray, be there to listen, be there to support, be there as a friend, be there as Jesus.”
“Accountability from trustworthy people helps, but I’ve found most people to be unreliable since I usually have to instigate the conversation of being vulnerable.”
“[Experiencing same-sex attraction] is lonely. I wish more families would invite me into their daily lives (grabbing food, running errands with them, having dinner, taking care of young kids, cleaning their house, playing a family board game). The few times families have let me into their random day lives were moments I felt seen and loved. It doesn’t take much effort to love someone with SSA. Just let them into your life.”
“I wish Christian leaders learned how to show empathy toward someone with SSA by tapping into their own sinful nature and being vulnerable enough to show how God had to do a work in them just as He has to do for someone with SSA.”
“When I first wanted to reach out to talk about this issue, it was wonderful to have a Christian leader from my Intervarsity group who was willing to take time to talk. Things were not going well talking with my family in that period, and I was more comfortable speaking with someone outside of my family. Simply being able to talk things over and open up a bit,was so relieving. All the problems did not necessarily need to be resolved. Just talking about the problems was sometimes enough. For me personally, the least helpful counseling was pondering why I had this orientation, and hearing advice on what to do to change it. The most helpful counseling was hearing about God’s free, unearned grace.”
“Best thing my pastor said to me after my struggle had been revealed, ‘Kyle, we loved you this morning, and we still love you this afternoon’ and ‘you’re not the only one.’ Words that changed my life… he connected me to Alive in Christ and continued to check in with me over the years as we went through this.”
James 5:16a states, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” These stories and the real people they represent speak volumes. When you encounter someone who shares something deeply personal with you, be present. Be safe. Be consistent. And most importantly, show up!
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2
To Our Financial Supporters: If you would like to give toward our work, you can either send a check to us at the address on the right, or you can give under the “Give” section of our website. All gifts are tax-deductible. Thank you for your generosity and faithfulness!
Prayer Requests
We rely on your prayers to keep Alive in Christ active, healthy, and visible, to share Christ’s Good News that offers hope to those impacted by same-sex attraction & gender dysphoria. To receive additional prayer updates, please e-mail prayer@alive-in-christ.net.
- Please pray for upcoming denominational conferences where Alive in Christ will be exhibiting. There is one in particular in an area where we’ve been making a lot of connections. Pray for those connections to continue to strengthen!
- Pray for those in our support groups and the others we serve, that they would truly encounter love and transformation through Jesus Christ.
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