Where will you be spending the holidays? Who will be surrounding you as you reflect on Jesus’s birth? These questions are especially relevant as I share the final installment of our 2019 testimonies. It’s a story that could have ended very differently.
Many of the people we serve are in crisis. Some are married; some are single. Most have reached out for help with their same-sex attraction for the first time. Some are terrified that if their secret is revealed, they will lose their families, their friends, and their church home.
I will always remember sitting in this couple’s living room. This was certainly not the first time I spoke with a couple with their struggles, but their situation appeared quite bleak. I honestly wasn’t sure if their marriage would survive. O me of little faith! Here is where they are, over 5 years later:
I never understood where the attraction to other men came from. Family trauma pushed me to act upon my feelings during a business trip. This led to what seemed to be a never-ending cycle of lies, deception, guilt, and repentance, a cycle I repeated for more than 15 years. I then met a man who introduced me to a support group for gay fathers. This group encouraged me to be open and honest with my wife.
I will never forget the day I told her. It was worse than attending the funeral of a friend or loved one. I hated myself and felt worse for including her in my personal battle. My wife found a group of spouses who had lost their wives and husbands to same-sex relationships. This support group offered no encouragement to repair what was broken and instead encouraged spouse victims to move on and find happiness in new relationships.
This was a hopeless time in our marriage because we were both trying to figure out how we could continue as husband and wife. I dealt with depression and the guilt of my past, and she dealt with the devastation left by years of broken trust.
God knew the desire of both of our hearts, which led me to confess my shortcomings to my friend who pastored a local church. He shared with me the ministry of Alive In Christ. This was my first encounter with someone who offered a message of hope rather than “give up and move on – do what’s best for oneself.”
My initial meetings with Patrick (an Alive in Christ leader) were extremely helpful. For the first time in years, I was being offered words of truth and given a message of love and understanding. This included boundaries on how to stop the addiction cycle. Soon, my wife and I met with our pastor, Patrick, and Brenna. It was there we both received encouragement and heard words of hope and all of the possibilities given the personal testimony of Brenna.
Alive in Christ became instrumental in my personal healing from the stronghold of sex addiction. My attendance at the weekly support group provided a safe place where I could share openly and honestly about my struggle and receive encouragement to grow in my faith. Through the power of the Holy Spirit and lots of forgiveness, my wife and I continue to grow in Christ. We are truly grateful for Brenna and her ministry that offers hope in what appeared to be a hopeless situation. We’ve learned to stand upon the promises of God and know that all things are possible through Christ who strengthens us.
This story is especially poignant to me this holiday season because several years into their healing process, this couple sent me a Christmas photo of their whole family. They were so full of joy! Quite a departure from our initial living room meeting. What a blessing it has been to watch them grow closer and heal together.
Originally published in the Nov/Dec 2019 newsletter